Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognised the person looking back at you.

In my mind I still look twenty something and the grey-haired man looking back at me sort of looks like my father. This week I thought I would share with you the wisdom of what happens as a man

In no particular order:

  • You wife starts to make an octopus type gesture under her nose using her hand which indicates it’s time to trim those nasal hairs. You frustratingly protest and say you did it last night. Yes your nasal, eyebrow and ear hairs grow at an exponential rate as if to make up for the hair no longer growing on your head.
  • Whilst on hair it is as if gravity has suddenly increased and instead of growing on your skull it just goes south, hey there are places easier to reach we will just send the hair there. Also whilst at it, you don’t need that colour any more we can save energy by not adding any pigment in the process.
  • Stuff starts to hurt and it’s a bit like you have paid no attention to your knees for the last 50 years so they are going to remind you they exist. I could throw sore back in here as well but that’s, unfortunately, a young man’s ailment as well but it does make a good excuse not to do any work.
  • Grunting when you stand up. My father did it, his father before him, and in retrospect, I don’t know why I do it even when there is no pain.
  • One serious note here is the effects of growing up with technology. My kids will have poor posture and eyesight from staring at their phones. I, on the other hand, have a constant sore index finger from typing and using a mouse
  • Here is the big one! (Uncle Trev)- my arms are not long enough to enable me to read so I need to wear my glasses, but that then means I can no longer see you clearly across the room. Thus I look like some sort of condescending old man looking over his glasses at you.
  • Regular readers would know I love my food but I just cannot eat what I want as it grows my stomach disproportionally to my intake, not to mention the fact I seem to be helping to fund my dentist’s holiday home.
  • I went to the doctor a while back and happened to mention the valve downstairs seemed to be a bit faulty he simply said give it a few extra shakes you may even enjoy it. He being a lot younger was obviously still adding jelly beans to the jar as excitement downstairs has been replaced by an early night and don’t even look at me.
  • When sitting at a party you become the recluse on their phone or just nod a lot as you cannot hear a thing anyone says. Note this also becomes a benefit/excuse!
  • You jump on a full train and admire a pretty woman who then offers you her seat.
  • You can’t remember what the next point was? That’s right – your years of wisdom plays a much bigger role. Normally expressed as back in the day … (we shared one PC for the whole department)

So, in summary, as I spend that little extra time using the bathroom, another hair slowly flutters to the floor that I may or may not be able to see, I use my years of wisdom to groan as I pass my wife muttering something about sore joints and I could not possibly do any chores. To which I have no idea what her reply was as I am conveniently deaf! Surely a beer will make me feel better.