Sigh. Movie ratings are so stale. And while the government is currently undergoing a review of media classification, I somehow doubt they’ll look to introduce a system that rates movies the same way DVD kiosk company Oovie does.

Oovie has introduced five new classifications for movies, giving you a sliding scale of what to look for in films before you rent them. Instead of the vague notion of “violence” or “nudity”, the Oovie ratings will give you some idea of just how bloodthirsty or smoochworthy the film is.

The five new classifications are as follows:

Think you’re sitting down to watch another boring drama? Think again! Oovie’s Frisky-O-Meter helps you find the meaty moments in all types of movies, allowing you to look forward to… well, you know.

What’s better than a film starring Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson? A film starring Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattison where they take their shirts off! Oovie’s Nudie-O-Meter rates movies based on all those shirtless moments that make movie time even more fun for some, and let’s others know to cover their eyes.

Gun fire, explosions and heart-stopping action! Oovie’s BiteTheDust-O-Meter rates movies not just on action scenes, but on the amount of kills and spills you can expect from your action-packed movie. Another one bites the dust!

Ever sat down to watch a DVD only to find your blockbuster moment is involves a surprise orchestra of sequin-dressed dancers breaking out in song? Not anymore! Oovie’s Song-O-Meter surveys your DVD for any hidden musical moments. Love them or hate them, you’ll know how many song and dance moments your movie includes before watching.

It may be another rom-com with Jennifer Anniston, but at least you’ll get your man love fix. Oovie’s Hunk-O-Meter puts the leading lady aside, and rates movies on the amount of hunkiness you’ll get from your DVD rental.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like the rating system has developed an easy to read label system for the movies, and it’s currently only being implemented on top-selling new release titles, but you can read these new and improved ratings on Oovie’s website or one of their kiosks around the country.

Web: Oovie